Hello again, blogosphere, it’s been a while (again). One day I might be able to write a blog consistently and actually keep it running. Long story short, the reason for the lengthy delay in blog entries is twofold. First, my girlfriend and I, having been together for 6 years no less, decided to get a flat together, and we moved in back in July this year. Which was nice. Then a month later I went to the Bloodstock festival (twas very good), and came back to find that she’d cheated on me with some guy she knows at work. Thus, after first moving everything of mine out of the flat, I came to my senses and decided that I hadn’t done anything wrong and so why should I give up the flat? And so after a couple of awkward days the paperwork was signed off in my own name and she had to leave. So, as you can imagine, I’ve had a fair bit to sort out over the last few months and it’s taken up a lot of my spare time. As has watching all of Breaking Bad, but that’s somewhat off topic. Actually perhaps not – my slow redesign of myself has likely been part inspired by Bryan Cranston and his portrayal of Walter White. Back to the story! I’ve had a couple of down moments but in all honesty I’ve actually really enjoyed myself since the break up. I’ve had time to get back into my writing and a few hobbies. For example, I went to Scale Model World at the beginning of this month to get a few ideas, so I’ll be starting my old hobby of model kits again in due course.
But then it’s also given me a lot of time to flex my mental muscles – I’ve rediscovered half of my vocabulary after limiting my usage over the intervening years. Which, as a writer, is a tad stifling. So, no more of that. But the other main thing I’ve come to think about in greater detail is how people treat you once you’re back in the single life. The way they speak to you, the way they use words, in particular people who don’t necessarily know you all that well (and I mean that with no disrespect – despite the fact I can just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and TALK, there’s still nobody out there who knows half of the crazy shizzles that are going on inside my head), they all start trotting out key phrases that actually rather annoy me. Oh, that’s something else I’ve rediscovered: anger. Not at the break-up, although that has proved to be the catalyst. No, I’m not angry about that at all. As I said at the time, I’m disappointed more than anything else. Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked again (it’s like reading a transcript of one of our podcasts – visit www.randomstoat.com folks!). So, without further ado, here’s the first of many phrases (more as and when they occur) that are currently grinding my gears:
“You’re a nice guy”
I’ve heard this a lot since I rejoined my single brethren. Nothing could offend me more than throwing this little gem in my direction. Usually that’s lady code for “no chance”, but it’s also used for those you deem an object of pity. I fully understand the first translation, but for the record womankind (Yes, all of you), there is nothing to fear right now, I’ve got better things to be thinking about at the moment. Yeah, you heard. My thoughts on this point are always subject to change (and very likely will at some point), but at this point in time I don’t need a relationship to make my life worth living – I’ve got enough to be getting on with thank you very much. Haters gonna hate.
Oh, and as it appears I need to keep making this clear – I’m not gay.
The second interpretation, of being an object of pity, for anyone who uses it in my general vicinity – with all due respect, please go away. I am not an object of pity, so please save it for someone who actually needs it. If you insist on describing me as anything, use “amiable” or “man”. As in the following sentence: “Yeah Si, but you’re an amiable man.”
Yes, for the most part I am quite an amiable chap, mostly because it’s easier to just nod, agree and get on with things. But with that being clear, I don’t like being tarred and subsequently feathered with the “nice guy” brush. Admittedly I’m stuck with that label now, but I heartily disagree with it. “Why?” you might ask. Simple enough. Being nice gets you nowhere, it really does. You just plod along, agreeing with pretty much what anyone else says, even if it means you feel like a traitor to your own, unique cause.
Amongst the many things I’ve recently rediscovered is this thing called “an opinion”, of which I’m amazed to discover I have plenty. Now, a nice guy will usually just go along with the prevailing opinion of the masses/their other half/insert appropriate alternative here, but I’m finding more and more that I’m disagreeing with things people say, and not just for the sake of it. True, if everybody thought like me then the world would soon crumble, but that doesn’t make my opinion any less valid than the next person. Unless the next person is Hitler.
It’s sadly true that nice guys often do finish last, despite any counter-arguments people might have on this issue, and I would actually rather be a writer or director or something as my actual career rather than a hobby. As a result, if I continue with the “nice guy” mantle then I’m probably going to fall flat on my face with those career plans. So I’m being selfish now – my writing and video stuff is more important to me than anything else, so every now and again I’ll be shutting myself off from the world to focus on these two things. If on occasion the shutters go down, leave me be until I return to the world. Whilst I have a general dislike for people (except for you, you’re okay), I will make my way back eventually.
In summary, I will continue trying to be generally pleasant, but at the same time try not to be offended if I have the temerity to have an opinion about something, disagree with you about anything at all, or choose to avoid social occasions without apparent good reason. I’m my own person and I have goals and ambitions, and it’s about time I focused on them. Anyone who doesn’t like this notion can get bent, quite frankly. I’ve also started growing an evil, mirror universe Spock-esque beard. If that’s not the antithesis of a nice guy, then I don’t know what is.
I still have a strong moral code so you’re not going to see me dive off the deep end. And for anyone that didn’t know, I’m an atheist and think that, whilst many religions teach some good moral notions, the fact you all disagree about pretty much everything is nucking futs, quite frankly. I respect everybody’s right to believe what they want to believe, but come on now. Apologies if this does offend anyone I know, that’s not my intention. And if it does offend you… how do I know you? Friend of a friend or something? Meh.
I’ll be back soon enough with an itemised list of things I hate. This should prove quite entertaining…